I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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