I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
