My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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