Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
