so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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