i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
