Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
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He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
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Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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