If i come over, it means nothing
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
