Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Even my vagina gasped.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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