Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You need Xanax blowdarts
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
