we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Randomize
