Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
