I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
