How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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