You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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