Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
