I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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