I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
