If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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