if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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