The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We had to coat check the pizza.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
