Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
