only if we run a train.
done.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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