So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
