actually, I'm a sock model
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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