i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
