so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
