Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
