Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
