the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
