You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
