The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
