I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
