Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
