Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
