she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
