If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
