god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
