he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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