ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
