we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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