Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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