Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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