im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
