I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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