guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
