Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
