The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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