I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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