Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
