I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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