I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
