I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
