Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
