Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
