i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize