I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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