Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
