I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
