Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
and you fell through a lawn chair
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
