I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
