Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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