Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
