the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
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she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
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And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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