Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
