perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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