She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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