what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
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the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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