Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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