I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
