he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
