I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
soo... how was my night?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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