So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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