We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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