I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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