and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
