my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
