her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
