i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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