:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
