Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
So here I am, sexting at work.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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