Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
