jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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