Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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