I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
