Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
if only i could text you this smell
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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