I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
